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A Sinking Feeling Print E-mail

Stanley began moving the sub, but I have no idea if we reached the ship. I’d long since turned green and contorted myself into a pretzel.
 
“Karl, we have to surface,” Jessica commanded.

“Eight hundred dives,” Stanley groused, “and this has happened only one other time.” He began an ascent. “All right, we’re going up.”

Fifteen hundred feet, 1,400 feet. It would take 30 minutes to reach the surface and another 30 to motor to the dock. I’d either be dead by then or Jessica would have one hell of a dry-cleaning bill. At 800 feet Stanley made a gracious offer: “You want to dive out of the hatch when we reach the surface?”

“Please,” I gasped. “Anything.”

Three hundred feet, 200 feet, 100 feet…

At the surface, Stanley popped the top, and I launched out of the submarine like a Trident nuclear missile, carving a tremendous parabolic arc into the night sky and splashing down into the sea, my pressurized body exploding on impact. How my mighty blast didn’t cause a tsunami somewhere off the coast of Cuba I’ll never know. What I did know was that surface conditions had worsened since our descent, and now the swells were huge. As I dog-paddled frantically, I heard Stanley’s wonky voice in the distance: “You can’t come back in the sub! You’ll get my controls wet!”

What?

“There’s a knob behind the hatch! Grab it! I’ll tow you in!”

Idabel was perfectly smooth on the outside save for one small protuberance behind the hatch, about the size of a snuff can. I clung on as Stanley began motoring back to shore, but the heaving swells repeatedly swept me away, and I swam furiously to reattach myself.

In the end, I don’t know which was worse: the agony or the humiliation. When we reached shore, I wobbled down Stanley’s dock like a post-traumatic-stress victim. I had the thousand-yard stare. Needless to say, I was surprised when Stanley offered to take me out again the next night. He felt I hadn’t gotten my money’s worth.

I said I’d think about it. I usually don’t give women like Idabel a second chance.

 
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